My Mother and Me...

Hey hey! Hows has everybody been! DO blog as often as you can... especially now ok? While Esther is still at home resting and isn't able to move around much. Hope i'll blogs will serve as a form of entertainment... to update her about whatever is happening in life and to comfort her and to let her know we're still moving full steam ahead for GOd!

Well.. i just got back from sentosa after spending the night there with ET and some other JOK(the team that went to cambodia) peeps. Mostly medical students la... haha. Cause the others couldn't make it. Well... we had lotsa fun and i sustained alot of cuts and bruises from playing intense beach soccer, frisbee and captain's ball. My entire body was aching when i got back today... All i wanted to do was to nua in front of the television and catch whatever TVB show i missed yesterday night(haha). Yeah...

Recently i've been helping my mum teach this little girl called rebecca. She's eurasian and her chinese standard is quite bad. SHe can't read some basic chinese words... so i've been helping her for about two and half weeks with her reading. Yeah... and my mum's students don't really tell her when they're coming. They just come as and when they like to. So sometimes there are alot of students and sometimes only a few. SO rebecca happily appeared today... and my mother shouted to me from downstairs

"Lydia!!! Can you teach rebecca!!!"

I was in complete nua-ing state already. COUch potato-ness was over-taking me. So... I Shouted back

"Can dowan not?" (I promise i didn't shout rudely... it was more like a plea)

THe next thing i knew... my mother started hurling abuse at me. Verbal ones that is. Saying that i was useless... and that she couldn't depend on me and that she would never ask me again. HUH???!??? I was speechless man. I wanted to cry.

All i did was to plead. SHe could have said "Please la... help a bit can?" and i would have relented. BUt nooooo..... she somehow naturally reacted to my comment with a spurt of other "not so nice" comments. SO after that, the television shows didn't seem to entertaining anymore.. and i limped back to my room and tried to sleep. I could still hear my mum saying somethings about me really loudly.. and i attempted to snuff it out with a pillow. And i just felt real sad inside.. And i prayed. I said "why must she do this? I know she has to "save face" in front of the kids. She has dignity. But i have mine too. I'm really tired. I'm bruised all over. BLah blah blah blah" THen i realised.. I was just being selfish. IT was all ME ME ME. My mum's even more tired than i am~!! And hey! I was tired out from having FUN! SHe was tired out from working and providing for me...

I felt so foolish. But i didn't know what to do. Finally... i plucked up the courage. I got up, washed my face a little and headed downstairs. Wa. My mother's face like chracoal lidat... then with a constipated (and a little bit GEK SEH) voice i said ..

"You want me to teach her ANOT?"

Haha. ANd then all was well and i taught rebecca for an afternoon... of which i kept dozing off. '

"Rebecca. YOu wake me up if i fall asleep ok."

THank GOd for giving me the courage to face up to my mistakes and my selfishness. It doesn't pay to be lazy. IT doesn't pay to leave a problem hanging in mid air and waiting for somebody else to come and clear it up. It starts from you.

Take care esther... I'm also guilty of not dropping you a message. BUt i hope you know that it doesn't mean i'm not praying for you. Love ya~!

LOVE....is wonderful......

hee hee..it's me...hee hee...i'm giving a sheepish grin cos cos cos...i feel so *guiLtY*...cos i haven been reading blogs and writing blogs for like the longest longest time......n everytime lydia makes a comment..'ya lah u alwasy never read blog' or like ' har u read the blog?'.....i feeel extremely extremely guilty..... :( :( :(.....hee ..cos actually to me a blog is not just a blog...but it is a good way to find out how others on the blog have been doing and so on.....but well...i just haven been making enough effort to blog and only occassionally do i read it....but lydia, its good la..it's kinda a wake up call for me.......well...anyways just some sharing...

over this weekend, i feel that the Lord is trying to tell me "hey child, there's more to life than work"...this may sound a lil cliche...hee....but well, it seems like this msg to coming thru to me very strongly.....

anyways, like what i've shared with some of u, these 2 weeks have been a terrrible week for me...everyday, i'm just working and working...just to meet the demands of my ahem....super high expectations manager....so because of that, i feel tt i've been very in my own world these past 2 weeks.....no time to catch up with frens and all....and i really do feel very bad when i think about it on hindsight.......for eg., although i know esther is going thru a tough time, i didnt even drop her a single sms this week....and when helena told us yest that she was hospitalised this week...my heart really sank......cos while my dearest sister is going thru a hard time, i was working my heart and mind away......and I begin to question if I'm putting too much just TOO MUCH emphasis on just work that I've been kinda neglecting the pple whom i love ard me? Well, my sister's exams started last week and will stretch thru this coming week...and because ive been going home late due to work, i haven had the time to really sit down and help her with her work...and what makes me even more guilty is that yest i actually went out with frens in the late morn to early afternoon..and when i was home, she was sleeping and then my aunt brought her out for dinner at about 6...so yest, i didnt get to help her with her work too.....

and to make things worse, after i came back from church just now, i found out that she hasnt really started on her revision for tom's e-maths paper and I lost it......I really lost my temper and scolded her upside down....and now I really feel so heartbroken....I really didnt mean to lose my temper like that...but i just couldn't withold it! Maybe it's because i feel so helpless now that her paper is tom and i cant do much, so i simply vented this helplessness on her..... and as i reflected on what happened just now, tots began to flow and i began to ponder upon how much time, not just in terms of quantity but quality have i been spending with my family and my dear frens? it seems that 85% is on work and maybe 10% with God n my self...and a pathetic 5% on my family and frens.....and i feel truly truly lousy about it.......how should I manage my time better to reallocate this percentage more evenly??

sometimes in our midst of busyness, we should always always stop in our tracks and reflect upon what we have been doing with most of our time...Is our 'allocation' of time somewhat parallel with our priorities in life? Nothing in this world can beat LOVE...the love between amongst your family..the love amongst your frens..the love amongest us.. brothers and sisters serving together in the Lord...treasure your time with each and every 1 of your loved ones.....